And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
