I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
