ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
