my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
