I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
