I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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