Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
