i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
