Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
