drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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