eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
