her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I party with great urgency now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
