i just wanna soil my oats bro
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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