I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
