Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
