I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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