He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
