You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
don't judge my taste in strippers
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
