There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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