you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
