Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
