Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
