I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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