woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
