Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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