he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize