But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I need help removing her.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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