I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize