I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize