i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
