After last night, I could never be a politician.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize