btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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