i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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