You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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