I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
