It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
