I will die if light touches me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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