great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
