Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
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