so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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