my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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