its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
