Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
