Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
