took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
All I want is dick and wine.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
