Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
