Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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