I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
