I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
