i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
