You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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