Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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