Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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