just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize