I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
