my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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