Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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