well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
