I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize