thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize