we have pet lesbian snakes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
