It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
