Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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