i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
May the power of my ass compel you!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
